Raising Global Kids: Cultural Norms and Discipline of Children

There’s an old adage, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” But one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, “doing as the Romans” really isn’t the best idea—especially when it compromises your values. As parents raising global kids, navigating cultural differences is a constant balancing act, and this is especially true when it comes to discipline.

We live in an upstairs apartment in my mother-in-law’s home, which means there’s always a lot of family around. A lot of kids + a lot of parents = a lot of personalities. One thing that has really stood out to me in our time living here is how often kids get into physical fights. Here in Morocco, or at least in our immediate surroundings, children think nothing of slapping each other on the back of the neck or head when they’re upset. It’s so normal that the other kids barely even flinch when it happens.

At first, this was really hard for me to wrap my head around. When I first saw it happen, I instinctively wanted to intervene. But I noticed that most parents here stay out of it until things really escalate. And when they do step in, they often respond by physically punishing the child, maybe with a shoe or a hand, mirroring the behavior they’re trying to correct.

The Cycle of Physical Discipline

After seeing this cycle of kids hitting each other and then parents hitting kids, I started scratching my head. My kids aren’t perfect, and they argue like all siblings do, but I can’t imagine them physically attacking another child when things go awry. I casually mentioned this to my husband, MarocBaba, after watching another kid vs. kid scenario unfold. It made me wonder, why are children here so quick to resort to physical force?

I’m not a psychologist, but I can understand why this happens. If children see their parents responding to frustration or disobedience with physical punishment, why wouldn’t they do the same thing with their peers? It’s what they know, and it’s what’s modeled for them. So when they get angry with a playmate, their first reaction is to hit, because that’s how their own parents have responded when they were upset. It’s a learned behavior, and one that is unintentionally reinforced every time a parent uses physical punishment. These children grow up and, likely, use the same methods on their own kids, continuing the cycle.

Our Approach to Discipline

In our home, we’ve taken a very different approach. I don’t believe in physically punishing my children. Yes, maybe when they were very small, they might have gotten a single spank on the bottom if they really misbehaved, but even that was rare. I’ve found there are other ways to show disapproval and discipline bad behavior that don’t involve hitting. Whether it’s timeouts, taking away privileges, or having serious conversations about their actions, I believe these methods help teach kids about consequences without resorting to fear or pain.

Even though MarocBaba grew up in Morocco, we’ve always been on the same page when it comes to how we discipline our children. I know other families in cross-cultural relationships where this isn’t the case, and discipline becomes a major point of contention. For us, it’s been easy to find common ground.

The Challenges of Cross-Cultural Parenting

I want to be clear—I don’t say any of this to judge parents who discipline differently. I understand that people often do what they were taught and might not even see the connections between their methods and their child’s behavior. It’s a cycle that continues because it’s deeply ingrained in the culture, and questioning it might not be something people feel comfortable doing.

What I find interesting is that in Morocco, parenting is a community effort. People don’t hesitate to share their opinions, especially when it comes to how others raise their kids. It’s not like the more individualistic approach in the U.S., where commenting on someone’s parenting choices is often considered rude or intrusive. So when people here see that we don’t use physical punishment, they’re often confused. I’ve had people ask how I plan to control my children if I don’t use physical force. They’re genuinely curious, but I know they don’t really understand our approach.

Despite the confusion from others, I’ve made it clear that this is a line I won’t cross. I respect my children, and I want them to respect me—not because they’re afraid of getting hit, but because they understand the consequences of their actions. I believe they are much more at ease knowing that I won’t resort to physical punishment. Instead, I focus on teaching them that there are other ways to solve their problems, and I hope this helps them grow into happier and healthier adults.

Finding Balance as a Global Family

Raising global kids means constantly balancing cultural norms and family values. There’s a lot of flexibility required when you’re living in another culture, especially one where family ties and community are so important. But I’m also learning what I won’t compromise on, and discipline is one of those areas. As parents, we have to decide what’s right for our own children, even if it means going against the grain of the culture around us.

At the end of the day, parenting is deeply personal, and every family has to find what works for them. For us, the answer is clear. While I’ve had to adapt to many aspects of Moroccan culture, this is one area where I will continue to hold my ground. I hope that by modeling a different approach to discipline, we’re helping our children learn valuable lessons about respect, empathy, and problem-solving that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Your Turn: Navigating Cross-Cultural Parenting

Where do you fall on this issue? Have you faced similar challenges when navigating cross-cultural differences in parenting? If so, how have you handled it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments about your experiences, whether you’re raising global kids or have found yourself in a different cultural context. Let’s share our insights and learn from one another as we navigate the complexities of raising children in a globalized world.

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